he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
