Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
