I love black thongs
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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