I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
