you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
