so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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