Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
