so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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