they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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