well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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