I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
