I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
