Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Alive.
So much puke
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
