Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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