The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
