its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
