dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
