do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
