Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
