Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
