fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
