Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
