what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
there is glitter all over my balls
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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