Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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