you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
