I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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