Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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