is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
