Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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