Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
