My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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