I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it because I queefed?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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