Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
