i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
