Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
