my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
dude. I can hear the air.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
