okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
