3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
