Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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