I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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