I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
