So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
