i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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