my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
one two three fourrrrnication!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
