Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
