Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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