I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
