so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
