If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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