If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
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