What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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