i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
