she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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