I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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