I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
