He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
