I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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