he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
