Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
