today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize